This takes me back to the time when I was a 17-year-old teenage girl. Coming from an all-girls school, I rarely have any interactions with boys and was at the age where my hormones began to spike. So, when I first experience the so-called feeling of ‘being in love’, it was agonizing and unforgettable. I had a one-sided crush on this guy for years. Of course, I got over him eventually, but it was a long and difficult process. Looking back, I feel like I wasted much of my college years hoping that the two of us would get together one day, only to discover that I’m actually in love with the idea of him that was constructed in my mind. So, what is it that made me realise this? Back in 2020, I came across a Twitter thread started by We Are Not Really Strangers that asked a series of questions on “Are you in love with a person or an idea?”
Questions by We Are Not Really Strangers
You see, most of us are in love with the idea of being in love. We seek for this elusive feeling, savouring the excitement of the new and the intensity of our passion. We’ve been made to believe that if it’s true love, that feeling will last for a lifetime. The thread made me think deeply for a moment but as I was stuck in the obsession with the idea of him in my mind, I refuse to acknowledge and claim that I’m really in love with him; not until I met someone who genuinely showed me what love is. Disney fairy tales led us to believe that love is blind but is this true until you lose all senses just for that?
Quote by Julie Spira on Elite Daily
So, how do you know whether you’re in love with someone or just the idea of them? What does knowing really feel like? I went to Quora to search for answers and turns out, there are a few individuals who are sharing their insights about it.
Photo by Quora
TJ explained that when we fall in love with the notion of love, we’re just captivated with the thrill of the chase and the mystery, but most of all, smitten with the image of them that we have in our heads, hoping that they may one day become the person we imagined. Rather than loving them for who they are, we’re just concerned in the things we provide at the time or the experience of being in love. When we love someone, though, we adore them for their flaws and desire for them to be the first to know what’s going on in our lives.
Photo by Quora
I believe that Kate provided a thorough response to this subject. She wrote that when we are in love with someone, we tend to mature emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Being in love is something we wish to cultivate and perceive as having a future in our current relationship, just like how we would tend a garden. However, being in love with the idea of love is like having a crush on a movie star. Seeing them would make our hearts race and make us nervous, but where are we heading with this? It won’t get us anywhere if we just keep caring for the garden because the weeds will eventually take over due to the exhaustion.
In my opinion, everyone is just in love with the idea of love, at first. We’re all just living out our own fantasies, which have been presented and taught to us through movies and other forms of media or even by the people around us. We have our own definition of what being in love really is but is there an actual answer to that? I believed that I was actually in love with my crush because I was experiencing the emotions that a movie plot would portray. The adrenaline rush, the chase, the excitement but mostly, the pain that I felt during the process. To believe that if it hurts, it is the proof of love. True, no love comes without pain, but I feel that it takes time and experiences in order to truly know if you’re in love with them. For me, to be in love is to actually feel loved by someone. It requires both side to put in the effort instead of one. “You know you’re in love when you can finally be happy in your everyday life than you are in your thoughts,” Dr. Seuss, an American novelist, stated.
I hope this article provided some insight into whether you’re truly in love with someone or just like the idea of loving them. I understand that emotions can be overwhelming at times, clouding your judgement, but take a step back and consider whether all of your current feelings are worthwhile. I also believe that chasing and holding on into something that isn’t permanent is meaningless and a waste of time. Instead, spend and concentrate more on improving yourself, and things will fall into place over time. True love should never make you feel that you have to change for who you are. The right person isn’t someone that gives you butterflies in your stomach. Rather, it should be someone that makes you feel calm and comfortable, as if you’re at home.
What are your thoughts? Are you really in love with the person you’re with right now or just the moment you’re feeling it with them?