The boss from hell. Im sure those of you who has some experience under their belt immediately thought of a name or a face to match that phrase. During peak desperation, we often ask ourselves things like Why me? and When will itend?
My response to that is: well, I guess we just have terrible luck. That might be true in cases where were put in difficult positions with difficult people. However, there is still a lot of insight to be gained from being in those positions. Remember, we cannot control what happens to us??but we can control how wereact.
Its perfectly normal to feel a lot of angst and loathing. However, do take note that there will ALWAYS be another terrible boss or project to come. Statistically, it is inevitable! So what do we do, then? We have no choice but to roll with the punches and learn. Difficult experiences have the most impact on us and as such we must capitalize on learning from them. We shouldnt dwell on what-ifs like What if I didnt agree to this project?, What if I wasnt chosen for this project?, and What if person X was my boss instead of personY?
When it comes to terrible leaders, at the end of the day, the best we can do is move forward and be everything they areNOT.
Lesson One: What Your People Feel About You Matters ALOT
Heres a simple exercise. Think of your boss from hell. If that person was trapped in a hole full of zombies and their only escape was for you to pull them up, would you? Me, personally? No. I would walk away without hesitation.
Perhaps this is an extreme example because someones life is on the line??but the same principle applies. If that person was stuck in a bad place, would you help them? Some of you might say yes. Some of you might say no. But a lot of you would pause and think about it hard first. Its that moment of hesitation that lets you know that this person is someone you would be relieved to never work with again. The only thing keeping you there is your conscience. But in terms of actually caring for the welfare of this person? Veryminimal.
So lets flip the script. As a leader, envision yourself as the person stuck in that hole full of zombies. If your team members were gathered above, do you think they would help you without a moments hesitation?
Let me introduce you to John Maxwells 5 levels of leadership. It basically states that at the first level, Position, people only follow you because of your position. However, they dont actually want to follow you. All terrible bosses are stuck at the firstlevel.
People only follow them because they are obligated to. They are obligated by the metaphorical carrot stick that is money and status and metaphorical whip that is losing that money and status. So be honest with yourself. Do people follow you because youre the Grand Ultimate Director Leader Department President of National Finances Peacekeeping Defense Headmaster Lord or because they wantto?
If the answer is no, then your people will undoubtedly desert you the first chance they get. That is not being a leader. That is being a boss. A terribleboss.
Lesson Two: Be Happy To BeWrong
We all hate being wrong. Yes, it sucks. Especially when it was about something really important. We hate it when were wrong about the stock market or some cryptocurrency crashing when we had just put in $1,000 to test the waters. We hate it when the person who we thought had romantic feelings for us actually just wanted to be friends. But by golly, if you hate it when youre wrong about a technical or management aspect of a project, you better stop that and start beinghappy!
You should think Wow, Im so glad that my team really knows what theyre doing! Im glad they are sharing their honest opinions! This will push us along further in the project. Lets keep exchanging ideas.
One time, my terrible boss outright called me out for using the word wrong. I cringe every time you use the word wrong, Kiana. Its not wrong, we just had a different interpretation. We have to package it that way. he said in a meeting. Ooh gee, so I guess 1 is 2 and 2 is 1 now because we interpret it that way. I guess numbers dolie!
Yeah, you could have a fancy and coveted certificate that reads Master Lord Professional God of Earth. But the fact still remains. You could be wrong. And if you are and someone catches it, give them a fair chance to make their case. The project will be more robust for it. They might have caught a potential breaking bug that would have caused a huge metaphorical forest fire down the line even if the design decision for that particular part of the system was your glorious idea. In short, when someone contests you, dont close your left ear and listen selectively with your right ear even if you are the Master Lord Professional God of Earth, as certified by the International Committee of Master Lord Professional Gods ofEarth.
Lesson Three: Dont Abuse The Phrase In My Point OfView
Alright, lets be real. In a meeting, whose point of view holds the most weight? Most obviously the one who calls the shots. Whether you love it or hate it, thats just how social groups work. We defer to those with higher status. In fact, its what keeps our society intact. Though it does lead to a host of other problems, it is also ironically the social glue that keeps us together??hierarchy.
Now whether you are doing it on purpose or not, if you are that big boy calling the big shots, your point of view is what will drive the direction of your project or organization. While companies encourage the exchange of ideas, superficially, theres really only a handful of ideas that actually matter. And those ideas are the bosses. So if you tend to press your ideas under the pretense of it being your point of view, youre actually just being domineering.
This is bad because eventually, people will stop sharing their honest opinions. They will say yes to everything you say, even if they know its going to cause problems later on. But hey, what do they know? Theyre just experts in their field while youre the Intergalactic Emperor of Godly Wormholes.
As a leader, even if you are aware that social groups only superficially encourage the exchange of ideas, please by all means push to encourage the exchange of ideas! Youre in that position precisely because you have the ability to say: Hey. I want to hear what you guys think first then lets decide from there. It doesnt matter if youre just a junior. I value your thoughts because I believe youve got the potential to push this thing further.
You have the power to actively combat all the things that discourage people from talking. Use that power because if you use it in the opposite manner, then you are nothing but a terrible boss who just wants to sit in an echochamber.
Lesson Four: If All You Hear Is Yes Then People Actually Just Want You ToShut-up
You do not come by yes-men. You create yes-men. Thats the truth. If you are not careful, you will create a culture of yes-men. However, can you even blame these people? Theyre doing it out of self-preservation. Why do they need to get into a self-demeaning argument with you if they can just let everything burn and say yes to everything yousay?
Thats another sign of being a terrible leader. People just do not care about the well-being of the project if youre being an insatiable tyrant who feeds on control. Theyll say yes to everything so that they can get you to shut up because time is a slog when youre talking. Theyd rather time go fast because they would like to be free of your oppressive thumb.
However, if you are a leader who regularly exchanges ideas with your people and hear them excitedly discuss new approaches to problems, thats one sign that you are doing something right. You are not a one-man army. You simply head that army but without your lieutenants and foot soldiers, you look like a fool on the battlefield.
Lesson Five: Nano-management Is Not Helping
I kid you not, some people think that nano-management (something I coined that means micromanagement on steroids) helps. Would you call your boss staying on a 12 hour long call with you while you share your screen so that he can comment on every little thing you are doing helping? How about during client meetings when as you are talking, your boss messages you constantly about what you should and should notsay?
Good leaders know when to leave their people alone. Your people are adults with brains for thinking, hands for doing, and hearts for feeling. They have their own sense of judgement, intellect, experiences, and talents just like you. You dont need to act like youre the protagonist of a novel thats very heavy on a the chosen one arc. Though you might wish you were the answer to everyones problems, you arenot.
A good leader is there to provide direction, feedback, and support. Nano-managing your people is more for you than for your people. If you are prone to doing this, then that simply means that you have an insatiable need for control. People like that need to put everything under a microscope and point out all the reasons why they are wrong??obviously as defined by them because how could they ever bewrong?
Conclusion
You often read books about what it takes to be a good leader. Have you ever read a book about what it takes to be a terrible leader? Perhaps. However the number of publications that pertain to the former dwarf the number of publications that pertain to the latter. Often, to get that feel of what it takes to be a terrible leader, we need to get hit in the face by one in reallife.
These are the things I picked up from being under terrible leaders. Ill be completely honest. I feel like I got hog-tied, waterboarded, thrown into a pit thats so deep it reached the 8th circle of hell, and left for dead to be feasted upon by snakes. It was not a pleasant experience. Frankly, you hear these stories of mild-mannered people who suddenly get burnt out and go AWOL out of nowhere and think Thats a bit extreme. Id never do that. But then you go through these things and you think Hmm. I think Im slowly retracting my previous statement
So for those of you out there who relate, cheers to us. Were strong and yes, you could call us a bunch of corporate sellouts. I am okay with being called a corporate sellout because its true. I can be honest enough to say the whole reason I put up with all this is because of the perks of my position.
For those of you who have yet to meet their fated bosses from hell, do not ever give up when you do finally meet them. Learn from them and when you are in their position someday, be the leader that you needed in your darkest corporate hours.
Leadership Lessons I Learned From Being Under A Terrible Leader was originally published in Startup Stash on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
