Not all relationships have their own happily ever after.
Not because they don’t deserve it but rather, maybe because both people are not on the same page.
And it always takes two to tango, as they say.
The same goes with a coaching relationship.
The coach and coachee must be fully invested in their professional relationship so that desired results can be achieved accordingly.
However, there are times when despite the overflowing love and support of a coach towards his/her coachee, if the coachee is not willing and able to be 100% invested in the coaching process, the professional relationship can turn sour unwantedly.
Uhuh, maybe just not meant to be.
So allow me to share with you the 5 signs that it’s time to let go of your coaching relationship:
1. When there’s no commitment
To fully experience the benefits of coaching, a coachee must be 100% committed. That means, willing and able to show up regularly as scheduled and able to deliver what is due and agreed upon during the session. Let me give a candid example: think of enrolling in a university with the best teachers. Only when you go to class, participate fully and give it all you got consistently will you be able to learn and grow from the experience. If you don’t show up in class and do your homework, can you blame the school or the teachers for your failures? The same goes for coaching. The coachee must be willing to invest time, effort and resources to be able to become his/her authentic, unapologetic, grandest version of himself/herself based on his commitment to himself/herself, his/her own growth and his/her own coach. That’s the only way he/she can get the results in life he/she wants and deserves.
2. When you’re disrespected consistently
I have always believed that no matter how one feels, it’s never an excuse to disrespect someone. More so if it’s done consistently. It’s not healthy if you get harsh messages, shut off during conversations or get shouted at times and again. Don’t ever let your coachees make you feel less than the amazing coach that you are, more so if they are coming from a space of hurt or anger always. You are not a sounding board. Nor a slave to their anger and pain. You are their accountability partner and you deserve as much respect as you give them. You may not have control over their actions and decisions and you may not be able to shield them from possible consequences because of their choices, but you can always choose to step back and protect your space as well when it’s no longer healthy.
3. When you’re lied to regularly
I always tell my coachees that I can only help them as much as they allow themselves to disclose honestly. If you are always bombarded by lies and excuses time and again, then maybe it’s time for you to rethink the relationship because coaching is grounded in authenticity and integrity. You can’t process clearly what you don’t know truthfully. Plus desired results can never be achieved if your coachee is not willing to embrace his/her personal truthfully as he/she takes personal responsibility.
4. When they take advantage of you
A big no-no. A coach-coachee relationship is a professional one so no personal advances must be tolerated. Don’t ever fall for that trap. It can ruin the coaching process because the level of familiarity with each other will change if you allow that to happen. Know your boundaries. And set them well.
5. When they have similar triggers with you that you haven’t resolved yet internally
Ok, I know that as coaches, we love to help as much as we could. But don’t short change yourself and your client by continuing the coaching relationship at your expense simply because you have similar triggers that you have yet to resolve. It can be dangerous for both you and your client so do yourself a favour and allow yourself to understand and heal first from within before engaging further. You don’t want to risk having your own pain distort the coaching sessions.
Don’t get me wrong guys, this list is not about having you give up immediately.
The journey towards healing and growing takes time and a whole lot of commitment and effort.
So it’s very important that you are on this journey together 100% with your coachee.
When you’ve exhausted all means to make things right, changed strategies time and again and have given your all and still, the relationship isn’t working, consider letting go. Talk to your client. Explain your reasons why objectively. Come from a space of genuine concern and love.
Because by letting go, you let yourself and your coachee grow.
At the end of the day, you can’t be the perfect coach for everyone. There will always be a specific coach for someone.
And that it’s perfectly ok.